Washing The Tears Away

Do you ever feel trapped? I do… Especially on days like today. I feel trapped inside my body, like my weight is suffocating me & I just can’t get away or see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Last night I had a dream, that I could do a really intense workout, with no modifications, a heavy weight & that I could run faster than ever before. It’s a hard reality to wake up to when you’re so sore you can hardly get out of bed. During today’s workout I cried and cried. I couldn’t shrug off the voices in my mind mocking me, saying I can’t do this.

I’m not only battling weight, there are many other temptations I face. Don’t we all? CrossFit is helping me to beat everything that has previously dragged me down. Whether it’s "reassurance" from a boyfriend, or washing my pain away with a six-pack, the strength I get on a good day, makes me want to leave all of that behind. But it’s not always that easy… It’s days like today that I totally feel like giving up & giving in to everything from my past.

I love the support I get from you guys, but sometimes I want to quit. It’s scary to think about quitting, what kind of person that would show that I am. This isn’t easy, I’m not an inspiration, I struggle just like the rest of us. This past month has been the hardest in my life. Rich (another trainer that is super awesome) reminded me that on days you don’t want to go, you have to just do it. Even if you’re just going through the motions, at least you’re trying. Hey, you’re lapping everybody still on the couch.

Through the midst of the tears, I came out of the workout stronger than the day before & that’s all that counts.

A word of encouragement: We all know the kind of person we want to be & we always have room for improvement… Think about the steps it takes to become that person. Step by step, goal by goal, begin to work towards being the best version of you. 

Stay tuned for: "Why Women Should Lift Heavy Weights"

"Your struggles are only bigger than you when your thoughts convince you that you are incapable of overcoming them."