I'm Well On My Way!

Hi Everyone,

Today was supposed to be my last day (wow, that seems unreal!), and I have done everything I came here to do: I’ve lost 75 lbs. in four months; I’m a totally different person inside and out; I’ve begun to learn how to handle my emotions in ways other than eating, and I’ve made life long friends. I couldn't be happier with my success.

Take a look at my 4 month progress pictures:

These are great, I am so pleased. But I’m not ready to go home. Live In Fitness™ has become a second home. The trainers have become my friends and the clients working hard around me have become my inspirations. This is the perfect environment for weight loss and I can’t imagine not finishing my journey here.

It was two months ago that I came to the realization that I wouldn't be going home April 25th. Instead, I went all in and extended my stay until August 29th. Yep, you read that right! I’ll be here four and a half more months. Some call me crazy, but in all honesty, I haven’t wanted anything more in my entire life.

I’m tearing up as I write this, because it makes me sick to think about what my life would be like if I wasn't here. I’d be at home wishing I could lose weight, control my eating, but I honestly wouldn't know how.

In January, I rode a bike for the first time in years. Now I bike over 30 miles a week.

In February, I began to see myself as an athlete, with potential to do well in this program. I began to blossom into a happier person, thriving off of the good results I had.

In March, I had an uphill battle with my food addiction. I began to fight those urges and learn to control them. I’m still not perfect, but I began to recognize this as a real life problem, and began to brainstorm how to get it under control.

In April, I ran my first 5K and for the first time called myself A RUNNER. I’m actually pretty fast if I do say so myself!

These are just a few examples of what the past four months have meant to me. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and breaking down barriers! I cant wait to see what the rest of summer has in store.

You'll Never Walk Alone

Today was a great day. 

I came home & I wanted to blog, but for once, I couldn't think of anything to blog about. Nothing is going wrong, everything seems to be going right. Sure, there's been some hiccups here and there but for the most part, these positive changes have my life rocking! 

So I decided to answer some emails from my readers, you guys! Such an important part of my journey, but often neglected. I appreciate all of the positive feedback, encouraging words, and questions about my progress. 

Then, every once in a while, I get a deep, heartbreaking, cry for help. Some days, I have no idea what to say. Others, I have no idea where to start. After all, I'm still on this journey myself. 

However, after some reflections I realized I am not there enough for other people. I am surrounded by the greatest support system here, and I know how hard this process is.

Somewhere, I read a rule and copied it down into my journal. I don't know where it's from, but it stuck with me, and I think it's about time I put it to practice.

"If you meet someone who expresses their desire to make a positive change, it's your job to encourage them. It doesn't need to be much. You can just be there to listen, to be a cheerleader, to give tips and hints, or even to go for a walk/jog with them. If they choose to confide in you, you're now a part of their successes and failures. They took the first step, now show them they're not alone."

This hit home for me. 

There's an ongoing joke here between my friends and I that we don't bother talking to the "two-weekers." These are people coming through the program that are staying two weeks or less. Let's face it, in the 34 weeks that I am here, 2 weeks is pretty insignificant. 

Even though this isn't completely true, I think I could do a better job encouraging them. For them, 2 weeks may be all they could afford. 2 weeks could be a HUGE deal. This program may be kick starting their life! 

I reflect on my life...

In fifth grade I wanted to join a jump roping team. (I love to jump rope, even now.) I remember practicing after school one day and the gym teacher telling me I wouldn't be good enough to be on the team. She didn't offer to help me, she just left it at that. Imagine if she had offered to help me? Maybe that situation would have had a totally different outcome. 

I wonder what kind of body I would have if somewhere along the way, someone had offered to help me emotionally, instead of me turning to food. In high school, I remember crying out for help in so many different ways.

A couple of years ago, I reached out to the college pastor at my church. I was confused about my faith and needed someone to talk to. I remember waiting weeks for him to call, never hearing back. I remember feeling alone and not going to church for the longest time. 

These are three small instances that impacted my life greatly. I know every time I decided to make a change, it was only fueled by a small spark. At the beginning, it's easy to put that spark out. 

This is me promising you, that if you want to make a change, I'm here. I'm here to walk with you, talk with you, and lead you down your own road to change. I root for the underdog. If you want it, if you work for it, you'll get there. 

"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself."

The Key To Weight Loss

In September 2012, at only 19 years old, I sat in a meeting in a hospital room discussing the option of bariatric surgery. I had tried to lose weight, I had met with trainers, I had gone on diets, but I never lost a significant amount. I couldn't do it on my own. The doctor read a statistic out loud to his audience saying that 97% of morbidly obese people never lose the weight on their own without having a medical procedure. That scared me, left me feeling that there was only a 3% chance that I could ever be happy without cutting part of my stomach out. I remember leaving the meeting empty. I remember feeling hopeless.

Years down the road, the surgery still crossed my mind, and the statistic was loud and clear in my subconscious, reminding myself that I would never be successful. 

Then I found Live In Fitness Retreat, a glimmer of hope. After being here for almost four months, I realize what was missing from my training programs and diets, it was the mentality that I CAN DO THIS.  

The #1 habit you need to adopt, is believing in yourself. 

I am a firm believer in this quote. For the last 105 days, I've been surrounded by fitness and people trying to lose weight. The difference in those successful and those who are not, is clear. The people who believe in themselves have drive, willpower, self motivation, and positivity. They show up every day because they know they can succeed.

Is believing in yourself enough? No. But if you truly, truly, truly do, the rest will follow. If you believe you can, you will find a way. 

"Believe in yourself and you're halfway there." 

What LIFE Has Done For Me: Self Confidence

Hey friends,

Thanks for the support on my recent 5K race!! I'm going to blog about it eventually, but not today! For now I'll leave you with a picture that sums up the way I felt afterwards! ;)

Today I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind...
Live In Fitness has done so much for me and has helped me make some major changes in my life. To point out the obvious, I've lost 64lbs and 44 inches. I've now officially run a 5K. I've begun to learn how to face my emotions without eating. Overall, I've just become a happier person. One of the things that has transformed the most during my time here at the weight-loss program is my self confidence.

Growing up, my self confidence was always at risk. With the focus always being on my weight, it was hard to see myself as "beautiful" or "worthy." I'd look around the halls of my high school and I'd see girls obsessed with having skinny arms and a thigh gap. That just wasn't even close to what I looked like. I was an 180lbs tennis player with toned arms and thunder thighs.

Then, at some point, my life came crashing down. I was out of control with my eating and packed weight on quickly. My self confidence continued to plummet. There were points in my life where I was good at pretending but there were also points where I struggled with severe depression.

Then one day, I woke up. I woke up weighing in at 355lbs. I'd been living my life going through the motions and I had to change. So I found Live In Fitness online and I haven't looked back.

Live In Fitness has taught me to not only lose weight, but how to love myself.
2 months ago I would have never been caught dead wearing shorts or tank tops. I covered myself up because I was embarrassed by my body. Now, even though I'm nowhere close to my goal, I feel healthy! I'm proud of the work I've done and I'm proud of my progress.

I know I'm nowhere close to "perfect," but I'm so much closer to being happy. I used to walk into a room and wonder what people thought about me, but I don't ever do that anymore. I'm making my life better and loving myself every day.

"Every positive thought propels you in the right direction."

Run The Day.

Tomorrow I am running my very first 5K. If you know me well, you know that I'm nervous. In fact, i'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

Sometime late January, while I've been here at Live In Fitness, I decided that I wanted to "be a runner." It was a decision that happened overnight. I remember so clearly doing an interval run/walk with Coach AJ one windy day at the beach. I struggled and cried the whole way, slugging along in what seemed like miles behind the rest of the group. I could hardly even run for 30 seconds straight. Then, it hit me. Like lifting, it only takes practice. If I wanted to be a runner, I could be a runner.

At my favorite running spot in February! 

So I did something impulsive; I signed up for my very first 5K. Keep in mind, at this point I couldn't even run a mile in under 15 minutes. I look back on CrossFit competitions, tennis practices, lacrosse practices, and the thing I always hated about them was running. I remember not even wanting to do a CrossFit competition last year because it had a 300m run in it. (But I did it, reluctantly.) And now in just 14 short hours I will be doing 16x that!!! Crazy.

Anyway, I've been running a few days a week for the last 3 months and I have fallen in love with it. I still can't do it very long, but now I can run 9 minutes straight! Improvement!

I've been so excited for this day and now it's here and I'm nervous beyond belief! It feels like every muscle in my left leg is cramped, but that's okay. I'm going to treat tomorrow like any other workout and just get it done to the best of my ability. Not sure how I'll do, but fingers crossed speed, strength, & energy are on my side.

So thankful and blessed to have these girls there to support me tomorrow!

I totally wouldn't mind encouraging thoughts if you have them to spare :)

Wish me luck friends, see ya in 3.2 miles.

- E

Life as a Fast Food Addict: Part 2.

A couple of weeks ago I poured my heart out on a subject that has never been easy for me. At the same time, it's a subject that has affected my life day in and day out for the last six years. 

Food Addiction.

I was overwhelmed by the response to my last post and was flooded with questions about L.I.F.E. and how I'm dealing with those addictions here...

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it every single day.
When I see a pizza delivery man, I want to order pizza.
When I see my coach drinking Starbucks, I want coffee.
When I see an Arby's commercial, I want roast beef.

It's impulsive and it's irrational. But I can't help it.

Some days these wants and emotions bring me to tears.
Some days I can just go for a run and it clears my head.
Some days I give in.

This week, week 13, has been the hardest of all.
I've slipped up... more than once.
On Tuesday night, I gave in to the temptation that I'd been fighting since the day I got here.

I hit a wall and talked myself into "deserving it."
That's the hardest part about something so addicting.
You rationalize it in your head.
You convince yourself that it's okay.
And on Tuesday night, a burrito, gave me that fix.
I got the high that food gives me.
And I didn't regret it.

I remember it tasting so good.
I remember wanting to eat it so slow that it lasted forever.

Then it hit me...
Why am I using food to find happiness?
When it was gone, what did it leave me with?
Where have those habits gotten me?

That burrito cost me more than $1.59.
It cost me the goal I had to not eat fast food the whole year.
It cost me the clean slate I had of doing so well here.
It cost me 510 calories, which is almost an entire hour of workouts at LIFE.

That night I laid in bed feeling regret for giving in.
I was hung up on it.
I had an upset stomach.
But then these words went through my head.

"You ate it. Own it. Move on."

I could sit around being sad about my poor choices.
I could let it bring me down.
I could go back for more.

Instead, I've reflected on it.
I know how it made me feel after the initial high was gone.
I know that I don't NEED that anymore.

Then, I moved on.
I showed up the next day and worked even harder.

Fast food got me to where I was before, 355lbs.
Fitness and healthy eating has gotten me to where I am now, 61lbs lighter.