#discouraged

When I walked into CrossFit Glory last week I'm not sure they knew what they were getting into. If you don't know my back story, of being an overweight kid, to being a varsity tennis star, to losing weight, to gaining weight, to becoming depressed, to turning it around and not only attempting to live healthy, but to rebuild my entire life, you wouldn't understand my idea of commitment.

Today was discouraging. For the first time I felt real inner conflict between the ideas of my trainers. Even though nothing was said, it seemed like everyone thought I should be doing something differently. Like nothing I'm doing is good enough... :/ Some people think I'm doing too much & some people think I should work out as much as I can. I'm sure this is a passing feeling but tonight, I can't seem to shrug it off.

Last summer after losing 50lbs

My biggest worry is getting injured... I've been injured so many times in my life and I know how hard it is to get back on track after an injury. But I also believe that in order to be losing weight, I should be working out more than the average person. To those of you who don't know, last summer I lost over 50 pounds. This wasn't due to lack of commitment. I worked out close to 7 hours a day through a program called Wellspring. I may be jumping the gun here, but my mentality is, if I can do that, I can do this. (Even though content wise, this is much harder).

Some say that everyone gets excited and really into it when you start something new, but in this case, that's not it at all. I don't really want to go do CrossFit everyday. I'm not that much of an enthusiast yet, but I do want to turn my life around. I enjoy feeling accomplished at the end of a hard workout and if I start to feel good about myself, I know my life will start to change for the better.

As far as my workouts went today, they were good. I back squatted 185lbs which apparently is "dang good for a girl" Whatever that means...

My workout partner was Mary (Sean's mom). I really enjoyed it because she was extremely encouraging and helped me in whatever way she could. She was very inspiring because even though she couldn't do everything, she never stopped and finished the workout. She is definitely someone to look up to because I've had a hard time being embarrassed about making modifications. So if anything made my discouraging day worth while, it was having a wonderful workout partner and sometimes, that's all you need.