Life as a Fast Food Addict

I've been writing and rewriting this post in my head for weeks now. It's never been an easy topic to talk about, much less write about.

As you all know, I've been at Live In Fitness for about two and a half months. I love it here. I write about it. I post millions of pictures. I couldn't be happier.

What many of you don't know, is how I got here.

I got here, because I am an addict. A fast food addict.

Years ago, someone approached me with the concept of food addiction, I didn't believe it was possible. Looking back on my behavior, I know how real it is.

A typical (bad) day before Live In Fitness:

9AM - Wake up
9:30AM - Stop at the gas station to buy a large coke slurpee (354cal), a chocolate milk (150cal), and a bag of goldfish (140cal).
10:00AM - Work (At HoneyBaked Ham)
12:00PM - Eat lunch at work (BBQ Smoked Stacker with jalepeno chips) (890cal)
2:30PM - Drive to class - Buy large coke on the way (280cal)
5:00PM - Class break - buy something from vending machine (200cal)
6:30PM - Drive to gym - stop at McDonalds for: Double cheeseburger (430 cal), small fry (230cal), and a large coke (280cal).
7:00PM - Weightlifting
10:00PM - Taco Bell - Beefy Five Layer Burrito (510cal)
Midnight - Bowl of cereal (130cal)

This was easily what I ate in a typical day...
If you did the math, that's 3,594 calories!!!! That makes me sick to even think about...
Especially knowing that is 2.6 days here at Live In Fitness

I ate this much food at least 3 days a week.
Not because I was hungry.
Not because I wanted to.
But because I felt like I needed to.
I needed the flavor.
I wanted to feel happy.
I wanted moments of being content and just enjoying life.
That is what food did for me.
I was looking for food as satisfaction, but all it can do is make you full.

I remember days where I would take money out of the ATM just so my parents wouldn't see the charges on my debit card.
I remember days that I hid swiss rolls in my backpack.
I remember days that I would get Taco Bell, McDonalds, and Little Caesars just because I wanted them all.

I wanted to lose weight, but I couldn't break the chains that fast food had on me.

I talked to my therapist about it and he explained that fast food gives you a chemical reaction similar to that of drugs. He explained that when I felt sad or emotional, that it made me uncomfortable, so I would turn to the immediate relief/high from fast food.

He encouraged me to sit with the emotions I was having, let them process, instead of turning to fast food. I remember days of sitting in the McDonalds parking lot, telling myself I didn't need the food.

One of my coaches encouraged me to write down the emotions I was having every time I wanted fast food. But eventually it wasn't about emotions... It was about the habit. It was about the high.

It's hard to break an addiction when there a golden arches around every corner taunting you with what you want.

Last week I drove to Charleston. It was the first time I had gone anywhere alone, without someone else from Live In Fitness. I had a great day and visited my friend Leah. On the way back, I found myself so tempted to stop for fast food. After all, would one cheeseburger make me gain a pound? No one would find out...  But I was strong enough, and didn't stop. Instead, I counted. I counted how many fast food places I passed. In 2 hours and 11 minutes, over the span of 119 miles, I passed 76 fast food restaurants.

There is something wrong with that...

There are other people struggling with the same addiction that I faced every day. And that is heart breaking. When I see fast food on TV, I still want it. When I see it on Facebook, I still want it. It's everywhere.

I can't wait for the day that I love my body enough, to be strong enough, to make the right decision 99% of the time.

If you are someone that struggles with food addiction, I 100% recommend seeking out help and learning ways to break those habits. I know it's hard, but it's possible!