Breaking 300.

I've officially been at Live in Fitness Retreat for a little over three months; 81 days to be exact. 

Out of those 81 days, I've never been as happy, as confident, as I was today.

Today was a milestone. 

I walked in LIFE this morning, nervous about what the scale would say.

I stepped up there with my coaches by my side. 

When I saw '294' come up on the screen, it was the best feeling ever.

Complete satisfaction and pride rolled into one!

I don't know how else to put it but I feel like I'm on top of the world.

I finally broke down that 300 pound wall.

Knowing and saying that I weighed over 300 pounds made me sick every time I thought or talked about it. But now, I never have to say it again. 

I will never weigh over 300 pounds again, and I can't be more excited about it!!

Here are my 3 month progress pictures. I can't tell as much this month, but it is DEFINITELY falling off! :)

K, that's all.
Have a wonderful night & as always, thanks for the support!

- E

On Your Back

Today started off like any other Tuesday, with a kick-ass PT session from my trainer AJ. (In case you are like my mom, PT stands for personal training NOT physical therapy.)

I haven't written much about the workouts here, there's not ever much to say outside of.... "We work out... A LOT." But today I decided to fill you in on what was arguably the hardest PT I've ever done. 

I don't know if AJ woke up and thought, "Hey, I'm gonna destroy Lizzy today" or not but either way, he did!

First, let me tell you that every single PT I've ever had with him has left me sore, drained, and laying on the floor. They usually consist of TRX pulls, tons of cardio (ONLY on Jacobs Ladder and the stair master), and some free weights. He's pretty good at coming up with deadly combinations that never fail to burn calories and push you to your limits. I couldn't ask for anything more in a fitness retreat. 

Today's started off with nothing less than I'd expect, first the stair master. After a minute or so, we moved on to the TRX bands where he said, "On Your Back" and pointed at the ground. Let me say, I was probably smirking at this point. Anytime a trainer says "on your back," I feel this sudden relief of happiness because let's face it, I'd WAY rather exercise laying down than standing up! I imagine a nice stretch with gentle music, birds chirping, the sun shining on my face. Not!

But boy did the tide quickly turn! He told me to put my feet in the TRX bands, something I'd never done and was convinced I couldn't do. But I DID IT. We did TRX hamstring curls that resembled this but looked more like a beached whale... (a baby whale).

We did 4 rounds of:
15 hamstring curls
20 weighted crunches
1min on the stair master

That was just the first of it...
We continued to do other dreadful hamstring and ab exercises. I gotta say, I'm pretty fast at sit ups on a normal day, but by the end of this workout, my abs were screaming and I could barely pick myself up off the ground! I can promise you that the next time a trainer says "on your back," I'll be scared!

Since the PT, I have been thinking about when life has you knocked "on your back" or "against a wall." It is never a fun place to be. Let's face it, all of us have been there and will be again.

Lately, it feels like I've been an emotional wreck, on my back. Tonight I called AJ in tears, convinced that I wasn't going to show up the next day. I have been surrounded by negative energy and I've had a hard time shaking what people say. My friend and I are here a really long time and we have both encountered this negativity. We talked the other day and agreed that this statement is the worst:

"Why would you ever stay here THAT long???"
I hate when I'm talking about my journey and when people give me that response. Sure, it's a structured boot camp. It's hard work. It's exhausting. But you know what? It's worth it. I'm staying here because I've seen progress. I'm staying here because the trainers truly care about my success. I'm staying here because I love it. 

Whenever someone knocks me down with hurtful words. I have to remember why I'm here. I'm not here for them. I'm here for me.

Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this journey. Never give up on your dreams. All it takes is all you've got.

- E

23 @ 23

Last year around this time, I wrote a list of goals and tasks that I wanted to do before I turned 23. Like many other things in my life, I wasn't successful. In fact, I didn't even really try. After about a month, I completely forgot that I had even made the list.

If you've been following my journey, you know that 2015 has been a year of change for me. Losing over 50lbs and still working, I am taking on a lot of new things. While my body is changing, so is my mind. Emotionally, I'm becoming stronger. Physically, I'm becoming stronger. Mentally, I'm becoming stronger. I still believe that setting goals is important.

Also, the more weight that I lose, the more I realize that I want to live my life to the fullest every single day. So I've decided to make a list of 23 things I want to do before 24. I know 100% that I can do this whole list. Some are fitness related, and some are just plain silly. But I will do them all :)

1. Run a 5K
2. Lose 100 more pounds
3. Compete in The Barbell Classic
4. Write 23 hand written letters
5. Not drink ANY regular coke or soft drinks
6. Visit Canada
7. Do a pull up
8. Run a mile under 10 minutes
9. Watch all the Star Wars movies
10. Do a handstand (against a wall) by August
11. Make As and Bs in all my classes
12. Volunteer 6 times
13. Visit Cedar Point and ride roller coasters again
14. Go horseback riding
15. Sing in front of an audience (Karaoke)
16. Buy a stranger dinner
17. Fly a kite
18. Do Jacobs Ladder for 5 minutes straight
19. Visit a psychic just for fun!
20. Fit into non plus size clothes
21. Watch the sunrise on the beach
22. Call my grandmother once a week
23. Write 100 things I'm thankful for

Some of these will be hard, but I'm going to give each one my best shot!!!
Also, my birthday was amazing!!! Thank you to everyone who sent me cards, gifts, and well wishes!

"Live life to the fullest because it only happens once."

Life as a Fast Food Addict

I've been writing and rewriting this post in my head for weeks now. It's never been an easy topic to talk about, much less write about.

As you all know, I've been at Live In Fitness for about two and a half months. I love it here. I write about it. I post millions of pictures. I couldn't be happier.

What many of you don't know, is how I got here.

I got here, because I am an addict. A fast food addict.

Years ago, someone approached me with the concept of food addiction, I didn't believe it was possible. Looking back on my behavior, I know how real it is.

A typical (bad) day before Live In Fitness:

9AM - Wake up
9:30AM - Stop at the gas station to buy a large coke slurpee (354cal), a chocolate milk (150cal), and a bag of goldfish (140cal).
10:00AM - Work (At HoneyBaked Ham)
12:00PM - Eat lunch at work (BBQ Smoked Stacker with jalepeno chips) (890cal)
2:30PM - Drive to class - Buy large coke on the way (280cal)
5:00PM - Class break - buy something from vending machine (200cal)
6:30PM - Drive to gym - stop at McDonalds for: Double cheeseburger (430 cal), small fry (230cal), and a large coke (280cal).
7:00PM - Weightlifting
10:00PM - Taco Bell - Beefy Five Layer Burrito (510cal)
Midnight - Bowl of cereal (130cal)

This was easily what I ate in a typical day...
If you did the math, that's 3,594 calories!!!! That makes me sick to even think about...
Especially knowing that is 2.6 days here at Live In Fitness

I ate this much food at least 3 days a week.
Not because I was hungry.
Not because I wanted to.
But because I felt like I needed to.
I needed the flavor.
I wanted to feel happy.
I wanted moments of being content and just enjoying life.
That is what food did for me.
I was looking for food as satisfaction, but all it can do is make you full.

I remember days where I would take money out of the ATM just so my parents wouldn't see the charges on my debit card.
I remember days that I hid swiss rolls in my backpack.
I remember days that I would get Taco Bell, McDonalds, and Little Caesars just because I wanted them all.

I wanted to lose weight, but I couldn't break the chains that fast food had on me.

I talked to my therapist about it and he explained that fast food gives you a chemical reaction similar to that of drugs. He explained that when I felt sad or emotional, that it made me uncomfortable, so I would turn to the immediate relief/high from fast food.

He encouraged me to sit with the emotions I was having, let them process, instead of turning to fast food. I remember days of sitting in the McDonalds parking lot, telling myself I didn't need the food.

One of my coaches encouraged me to write down the emotions I was having every time I wanted fast food. But eventually it wasn't about emotions... It was about the habit. It was about the high.

It's hard to break an addiction when there a golden arches around every corner taunting you with what you want.

Last week I drove to Charleston. It was the first time I had gone anywhere alone, without someone else from Live In Fitness. I had a great day and visited my friend Leah. On the way back, I found myself so tempted to stop for fast food. After all, would one cheeseburger make me gain a pound? No one would find out...  But I was strong enough, and didn't stop. Instead, I counted. I counted how many fast food places I passed. In 2 hours and 11 minutes, over the span of 119 miles, I passed 76 fast food restaurants.

There is something wrong with that...

There are other people struggling with the same addiction that I faced every day. And that is heart breaking. When I see fast food on TV, I still want it. When I see it on Facebook, I still want it. It's everywhere.

I can't wait for the day that I love my body enough, to be strong enough, to make the right decision 99% of the time.

If you are someone that struggles with food addiction, I 100% recommend seeking out help and learning ways to break those habits. I know it's hard, but it's possible!

The Day I Quit

I woke up this morning, nervous as usual, for my Monday morning weigh in. I was DETERMINED that this week was a big week. Last week, I arguably worked harder than I ever had before. I wanted to lose eight pounds so I could hit the big 50 lost! I did the extra classes, used the stair master more than normal, and shot for 5000 calories burned, every single day. 

In fact, I was so confident in my hard work that I weighed in on Thursday just to see if I was on track. I had lost FIVE pounds in only three days. I was ecstatic, it seemed like I could actually make it to my lofty goal of eight. 

If you saw my Facebook post earlier, you know I only lost three pounds at my official weigh in. Imagine my surprise, especially after seeing a lower number only days before. 

Saying I was devastated is an understatement. I don't want to be long winded, but I was defeated. 

I feel like I give this program my 100%. Sometimes that means missing a class and taking a break. Sometimes that means taking a yoga class over cardio. I can honestly say that I am giving what I am able to give and try my hardest to go above and beyond.

The hard part is when I don't get results that meet my expectations or desires. Today, I was down. It was worse than my usual "just being emotional." I wanted this to be over. I didn't want to work hard anymore. I wanted to go home.

Then, during our break, one of my coaches said, "You know what would help you get to your goals? To quit slacking off and work hard on your lunch break." That broke me. 

Ok, I'll be the first to say this comment wasn't one of ill intent. But it hurt. Like I said, I feel like I am giving this thing my all.

So I quit. 

I walked out of Live In Fitness, tears in my eyes, convinced it would be the last time. 

I have been down. I have been frustrated. But I have never given up on this program. 

I ran to the beach. I called my mom. I cried a little more. And then I prayed. I prayed for strength. I prayed for guidance. And I went back inside.

I have come to far to quit. 45 pounds may not be 50 pounds, but is nothing to scoff at in only 9 weeks.

I show up every day and though I may not always work as hard as I "should," I have invested my life in this thing. I believe in my program and it is bettering me and my future. So yeah, I'm not completely happy with my weigh in, but you know what? I got a three, and i'll take it.

"If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I was when I started. When I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."

What Motivates You?

Yesterday I was ranting to one of my coaches, feeling frustrated that some people didn't seem like they wanted to be here. Some days, I feel dragged down with negativity and in an environment like this, with so many people, it's easy to get caught up in other people's annoyances.

It's frustrating because I want every part of this experience and process so bad. Sure, it has it's ups and downs but I know where I want to go and how to get there. This program works and I see the proof every single day.

When someone wants to take a whole day off or go out and cheat on the meal plan, I am always so thrown off guard. Questions begin to roll through my mind:

Why are you here?
Why pay all this money to not stay on program?
Do you really want this?

But the more I think about it, I know the answer. Of course they want it. We all want to lose weight. (Except my coach, Nick, who was complaining about losing weight today. Haha! If only that were my life.) Anyway, like I said, we ALL want to lose weight. But is wanting it enough?

Obviously the answer is NO!

You have to work for it. You have to wake up every single morning and make the decision that you want to live a healthy lifestyle. And that is a hard thing to do day after day.

One of my coaches always says, "Remember why you're here!" and it drives me insane. He always says it when I'm slacking off or debating actually doing something fun. Haha! But he's so right. Every day when I want to press snooze instead of going to the gym, I think about it. "Why am I here?"

I'm here because I want to lose weight.
I'm here because I want to play with my future nieces, nephews, and children of my own.
I'm here for my family, so my mother doesn't have to worry about my health.
I'm here so I can enjoy riding roller coasters again one day.
I'm here so I can live life to its' full potential.

These are things I remind myself of every day. They are what motivate me.

A few days ago, I got an email from a girl I don't really know. She told me that my blog was so inspiring and that she wanted to lose weight. She also told me that she's never actually seen anyone be successful at it. That everyone she knows that's lost weight, has gained it back. That made me sad. But it's true. So often we fall back into those old bad habits. So that also motivates me. I want to be the person that does it. The girl that loses over 100 pounds and can keep it off.

Another thing that motivates me is the other people here at Live In Fitness. My friends and I joke about all the pictures of skinny people working out on the walls of the gym. They don't motivate me.

It's the 70 year old woman next to me that just wants to walk better.
It's the 450lbs man that's in it to change his life.
It's the husband and wife making a decision to lose weight together.
It's the people that leave behind their families for a few weeks to dedicate themselves to their health.
It's the woman that does her first sit up.
It's the shy kid that was bullied for their weight, and is making a positive change and coming out of their shell.

Those are the people that motivate me. They are what keep me going every single day.

I know it's hard. I know we wish for so many things. And you can make those things happen. Stop saying "I wish," and start saying, "I will."

Find what motivates you.
Chase that dream.
Live your life.
With no regrets.

2 Month Progress Photos!

Hey everyone!

As promised, here are my two month progress photos! These aren't as stellar as my one month ones but I am still seeing a HUGE difference. I decided to go sports bra only each month from now on! That was a tough choice, a little embarrassing. But you'll be able to see how much this program REALLY works, especially as I move forward :)

Thanks again for all of your support. You can always follow my journey here at The Weigh!

-E