The Power of Can't

Today was the first day I skipped CrossFit when there was a class that I could have attended. I had the worst migraine at work & the fact that the WOD involved pull-ups, overhead squats, & kettle-bell swings, didn't help the appeal of going. Those may seriously be my 3 least favorite things in all of CrossFit. I knew the combination of them all would easily turn into me being frustrated, upset, and disappointed. Anyone who has interacted closely with me or even if you've kept up with these blogs, could agree that I can be really hard on myself.

Something Sean said to me last week has really been engrained in my mind. He asked me to start asking what I can do in place of an activity, rather than just saying I can't do it. Recently I've been in a "can't slump." I call it that because my first month and a half of CrossFit I had so much drive and excitement. Don't get me wrong, I'm still high on CrossFit but perhaps now I'm a little too high. There are so many things I want to be able to do but I can't do them. All of the things are so cool and it's not like I'll be able to do them anytime soon. Forgive me for venting, but this is something I have yet to overcome. For instance, handstands. Even if I build tons of muscle, it will take me losing a lot of weight before I'm even close to doing one. It frustrates me that I have to scale EVERYTHING because there is nothing I want more than to be able to do it all.

Initially it was frustrating to hear Sean tell me to stop saying "can't," because honestly.... I can't do a handstand push up. Haha. But I think the point he's trying to make is rather than focusing on what I can't do, focus on what I can.

I have to become satisfied with what I CAN do today. It may not be what I'm satisfied with a year from now, but for now it's what I can do. Ultimately, my strength will not come from doing what I can, but conquering what I cannot. 

As upsetting as it is to know all the things I can't do, I look back on all the things I couldn't do 60 days ago. 

- At my first training session with Doc, I could barely do 7 sit-ups. Last week, I did 75 like it was nothing.

- On my first day of CrossFit, I thought jumping pull ups were hard. Now, I'm doing assisted pull-ups.

- Two months ago, I could barely run 20 seconds. Now, I can almost run a mile without stopping. 

- 3 weeks ago, I could barely swim. Now, I can... kind of swim.

I may not be able to do everything now, but believe me, doing all of the things I can do well, will get me where I'm going. One day I'll be able to do so much more. I CAN DO THIS.

Community & Stuff

Yesterday I went to a viewing party for the CrossFit games. Watching the best of the best on TV was consuming to the point I had no idea what was actually going on at the party. I loved it, the huge crowd cheering them on, people pushing their limits and exceeding every expectation I had for the CrossFit games; it was just amazing.

I haven't written in a week or so, but I've been doing lots of thinking about this whole CrossFit thing...

I write about it.

I think about it.

I dream about it.

I google it.

I watch videos about it.

CrossFit has seriously consumed my life and I can't imagine my days without it. But why's it so important to me? What's the big freaking deal? 

Probably for me, it's because I've completely immersed myself into it. I wholeheartedly believe that it works. I guess you can say I've drank the CrossFit koolaid. 

CrossFit is an experience and it's impossible to explain. You have to find out for yourself. If you want the best results, you have to buy into it. 

CrossFit is seriously a community and I feel like I've been invited in with open arms. The people there don't just work out together, they are friends, a family. 

What's it take being part of the CrossFit community? 

It takes the willingness to show up & do work. It takes the mental strength to do WODs no matter how crazy they are. 

You have to encourage others. People's encouragement did so much for me. There are so many times that I felt like I was done, that I didn't have anymore gas to keep going during a WOD. But then somebody cheered me on and it gave me that extra fuel. You can be that fuel for someone else.

Whether you're just lifting the barbell or you are lifting RX. Everyone is equally important, equally cheered on, & it's just as an accomplishment.

You have to be willing to learn. We have coaches for a reason. They know the form. They are certified. They are experienced. Just pay attention.

You have to be a role model. From day one I've looked to more experienced CrossFitters. I've analyzed their form. I've tried to keep up with them. I've tried to beat their PR's. When new members come in I'm fully aware that they look to us. So be your best.

It takes more than coming & going. It takes commitment. 

I may not be the best at CrossFit. I may not be able to compete in competitions. But I absolutely love it, and anyone else who is committed will tell you the same. It has changed my life. I'm going to get fit. To change my future. To compete against myself everyday. To feel strong. To push myself and strive for improvement. To celebrate those accomplishments with my community. 

So since it's been a week, I thought I'd update you on some things....

The amount of weight I lost: 3 pounds

The amount of weight I've lost total: 16 pounds

The amount of meters I've rowed: 8,700 meters

The total weight I carried doing the stupid farmer walk: 80 pounds

The amount of assisted pull-ups I did: 17

How I feel about said pull-ups...

The amount of beer we showed up with at the CrossFit party: 63 bottles

The number of secrets I found out about people I didn't really need to know after said beers: 8

It's been quite a week. Overall good. Super busy. The Games were awesome to watch. Have a great, great, great week (:

A Great Day to Get Started :)

Here's something I've heard a million & one times.... "I'm too out of shape for CrossFit." I have lots of friends trying to get in shape that say CrossFit sounds awesome but they're too scared to start. Believe me, I understand! I remember the day I went in & met Sean for the first time. I was scared shitless. Even calling to find out about CrossFit stressed me out, if I remember correctly I called & hung up 3 times. Haha... but as you can see, it turned out great for me.

I'm going to be straight with you: You will never be ready for CrossFit.

CrossFit is going to knock you on your ass every single day, no matter how long you've been going. Sure, it gets easier, but it will ALWAYS push you to your limits.

The beauty of CrossFit is that if you're coming from a completely sedentary lifestyle or if you just can't do much, the exercises can be scaled down for you. (& it's not embarrassing). If you are awesome at everything, you can increase the reps and weight. Seriously... Anyone can do it. (Even you, dad)

There are so many great things about CrossFit.

The people... they are amazing. The community is probably my favorite part about CrossFit. Whether you finish first or last, you're cheered on & continuously supported. You feel equally as important as the fittest person at the gym.

The coaches... are KICK ASS. I love my trainers. They are all so different but I have learned to benefit from different things from each of them. But they are all equally great. These coaches have made me want to be the best version of myself.

The WODS... Always challenge you to work hard. They get you a little out of your comfort zone. But that is the only way you will get better.

So you there, yes you... I challenge you to get off the couch & start living healthy. Do the things you believe you can't.


My day was pretty fabulous. With the exception of this one girl that drove me completely insane. I've learned that one of my biggest pet peeves is people talking over the coach during a work out. I'm sure I have before... but really, shut up & work.

Other news from my day...

It started off pretty stressful considering for the first time my two jobs conflicted BUT I worked it out so I can still do both! So I couldn't be any happier about that (: I can keep making money & keep buying cute shoes & headbands! Woohoo!

Another thing that made today great, was napping. This girl can nap all day long. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. But today I did... & it was awesome (:

I woke up & decided to go to yoga with my mom. It was amazing. I feel all stretched out and extremely relaxed. It really got me warmed up before CrossFit! We did a tabata workout today which is my favorite. It's 20 seconds on an exercise, 10 seconds off, for 8 rounds. So we did that for squats, push ups, & sit ups.

Also, I did a pull-up! (With a band) But it was a step up from the jumping pull ups. It was scary. I was as nervous as a pig in the bacon factory. I really thought that band was going to break, but it didn't!

Venting the Pain

At 10PM, after running a mile & working my ass off at CrossFit, my entire leg feels like dead weight, the pain killers aren't helping, my head is cluttered with frustration, & I'm so tired that I'm awake. I just want to cry. Forgive me for venting but what's the point of this thing if I can't be real from time to time. I feel like this is the worst thing ever. Like all my hard work and building up that tiny bit of strength & endurance is just going down the drain. How am I supposed to do lifts, wallballs, slam balls, burpees, or ANYTHING else we do there if I can't even do a full squat??? I've been doing a full squat anyway... Pretending it doesn't hurt, trying to do them fast so the pain doesn't last as long but I come home every. single. night. and lay in pain. Icing my knee down three times a day. How long can I keep this up? Every time I go to CrossFit I wonder how many days I have left before I collapse and have a serious knee injury. 

It's venting like this though that make me thankful for all the things I do have. It puts me in perspective. I need to work through this injury by doing the rights things. I need to do it with the same belief and drive that I have the rest of this journey. 

Today is not the day that my journey will come to an end.

Today was rough, but I thought I did well. & I was able to put my pride aside & do less on my back squat to save my knee. 

For the WOD we did a 400m run & then 3 rounds of 30 wall balls & 5 power cleans. I finished & didn't think it was that bad.... which makes me know I should have worked harder!

As always I appreciate the support. I haven't told yall that in awhile and I know I haven't been messaging back & keeping up with yalls progress as much as I'd like to, but I hope you are all still working hard & are inspired to be the best version of you (: Much love.

Inspiration

Heart Strings.

Today has been emotional to say the least. I'm not sure if it's just one of those days, if it's from having major lack of sleep, or if God has really moved me to go out of my way & notice the unnoticeable. I got to work, almost late, and was on the go from the minute I got in the door. I waited on all sorts of people today.

The first woman that came in the store was old, very old. She could hardly hear & just wanted some ham slices. She reminded me of my grandmother who seriously does love ham, like a lot. She was with her son (who was also old). She was the sweetest thing, but he was just a jerk to her. He stood outside smoking a cigarette, and she slowly made her way with her walker to offer him a sandwich, he yelled at her. When I brought out the slices, he had come in to see what was taking so long, she offered to buy him some cookies, & he yelled at her again. I just wanted to come out from behind the counter & slap the man.

I'm a people watcher and usually I excuse people's bad behavior with, "I don't know what they're going through", but today I witnessed so many events that made me think, "no matter what you're going through, you should always remember to be nice to people." 

Another crazy thing happened, I went to Meijer because we were out of celery at work, and there was an older man that had two mentally handicap daughters, they all smelled of smoke, and were dressed in pajamas. Everyone was looking at them like they were crazy, but it almost brought tears to my eyes. What that man must experience in his every day life, how hard some days must be. 

This whole journey has me asking myself daily, will I ever get to my goal weight? Will I ever go to the doctor & not expect bad news? I make my problems seem so large, I feel like my life couldn't get any worse because I let my weight dictate how I do everything. But the reality of it is, I'm lucky. Losing weight is hard, it's brutal. But at least I can afford to go to CrossFit. At least I have awesome people who are helping me. At least I have parents to support me.

That's not all I learned today though, sometimes you learn the strangest lessons from the most unexpected people. Tonight I had the pleasure of baby-sitting three girls, all with very strong personalities. The youngest (age 3) had such a hard time going to sleep. She cried & cried, made up songs about missing her mom to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star which were so depressing, yet so adorable. Then when we were talking before bedtime, she gave me a run down about her whole family. Somewhere in that train of thought she said "Sometimes I just want my dad to leave!" (mainly because she was jealous of all the time he spends with her mom) but then went on to say every single thing she loved about him. 

 

Well, I feel your pain kid. Me & my dad butt heads a lot because we're so much alike but the reality of it all is, I'd be nowhere without him. We say things we don't mean to each other, but I always know it'll be water under the bridge by night time. 

So thanks pops, you're seriously my best friend, biggest fan (except maybe mom), & I love you with all my heart.

A Week to be PRoud of.

Hey hey hey!

So I know the writing has gotten less & less but that does definitely not mean I'm not every bit as committed to this journey! This week has been fabulous within the CrossFit life & it's definitely been decent on the nutrition side as well. Not to mention I set a PR every. single. night. A PR is a personal record for anyone that doesn't know. That reminds me, my good friend Marilyn asked me to make a CrossFit acronym dictionary. So look for that in the tabs in the next few days.

Anyhow, I set a PR every day this week. So here's what I'm at right now for 1 rep max's.

Back Squat - 220
Front Squat - 210
Deadlift - 250
Overhead Squat - 80

So I'm pretty pleased with how that all went! Even though my front squat form could definitely use some work.

I must say, the last two weeks of workouts have been SO intense. The WOD's have been all kinds of crazy. On Tuesday we did 7 rounds of 7 different things but I had to stop after puking and my heart rate going up way high. Part of the reason is it's hot as hell out right now.

The reason setting PR's is such a great feeling is, I'm really competitive and there are definitely people I admire at CrossFit that are amazing competitors. Amy is one example, that I'm always looking up to and striving to keep up with her (& believe me, it's not easy). && lifting more than some guys, that's definitely kinda cool too.

Tonight I went swimming again & it was really nice to do some exercise that doesn't hurt my knee. I'm still looking to learn how to swim better so I can get even more out of it, so if yall know anyone that gives lessons, fill me in!

That's all I have to say tonight, but tune in this weekend because I have something special in store (;

P.S. All that rowing paid off, I did 500m in 1:54 today!

Under Pressure

Hey party people,

The weekend's a wrap & I hope yall all had fun. I know I haven't written in a few days & honestly it's because I just had nothing to say. I've been feeling pretty discouraged after having a weight-gain week & i figured I'd spare yall my whining. Even though it's been rough, I have not let up on my workouts. I'm more motivated than ever to not have a repeat of last week, but on days like today, I'm just not sure I will ever get to the spot I want to be.

This weekend I feel like I've taken a step back out of my shoes & just looked at my life as is. Coming into this, I knew that'd I'd be under a lot of pressure. On top of that, I knew this blog would cause extra pressure, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I love writing & I love sharing my thoughts with all you great people ;) & for the most part, it has given me a great amount of accountability.

But it is pressure nonetheless... I feel pressure to get weight off because it's important to my health. I feel pressure to succeed because if I quit, 100s of people will see me fall. I feel pressure to not eat a cookie at church because so many people read this blog. I feel pressure to persevere even though my knee hurts more than it ever has before. I feel pressure to learn to swim well because that may be the only form of cardio I can do for a while.

On top of all that I'm worried about setting my major in stone, at 19 it's not a big deal to be undecided, at 21, it is. I feel pressure to catch up on math so I can do engineering so I find myself studying trigonometry so I'm better prepared in the fall. But it's still a lot weighing on me.

I feel pressure to hang out with friends even though I'm too tired to do anything but work and workout. I know if I don't nurture the relationships I have, one day I'll wake up and they wont be there anymore.
I feel pressure to drink even when it's not diet friendly because that's kind of what "going out" consists of at 21.

I feel pressure to do well every time I see the look on my parent's face after we've had "words."

I do pretty well under pressure, but there's some days that I just want to fall apart. And what happens when I fall apart? I eat. My mind automatically shifts to impulsive temptations. Even though my diet has been good this week, I want nothing more than to binge eat right now. That's such a fat person thing to say, but it's the reality of things. The only thing I've found that's better than eating is going to CrossFit. That's why the weekends are hard. No CrossFit, no outlet. I've never been so happy for a Monday.

I REFUSE to give in. I'll go for a drive to just get air, it seems like that's the only other
thing that calms me down these days.

Couch Potato Workout

If you know me well in real life, you know of my almost absurd obsession with Big Brother. Being a Big Brother fan is quite a time commitment, considering it's a one hour show, three times a week. (Feel free to laugh at me, everyone does...) With this being said, I find myself sitting in front of the TV almost every night. Just laying around makes me feel so lazy these days, so I came up with my very own Couch Potato Workout.

So I've heard from just about everyone that my workouts are "too intense." Even though that's not true, because you can scale absolutely anything at CrossFit, this is one that anybody can do, no excuses!

An hour long show generally is about 36% commercials (according to TNS Media Intelligence). This comes to about 21:51, crazy right?? So let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say there is 20min of commercials. This gives us time to do about 5 exercises.

So here it goes, my Big Brother commercial workout! (Cardio & Strength edition)

Commercial Break One:
2 minutes push-ups
2 minutes jumping jacks

Commercial Break Two:
2 minutes sit-ups
2 minutes punches

Commercial Break Three:
2 minutes dips (do these with your hands on the edge of the arm chair, with your feet and butt off the chair, knees 90 degrees, dipping until your elbows are behind you)
2 minutes jumping air squats

Commercial Break Four:
2 minutes V-Ups (lay on your back & touch your hands to your feet)
2 minutes Mountain Climbers

Commercial Break Five:
2 minutes scissor kicks (I suck at those)
2 minutes burpees

So that's it! Simple as that & think about all the breaks you get! Well, Big Brother starts at 9pm & so do a ton of other shows, who's with me? (;

Gained A Pound... Thoughts & Reflections.

I have no words to describe the way I'm feeling today. It's weigh in Wednesday & I gained a pound this week. I worked so hard & I ate pretty well, so I just don't even understand. As a woman, it's hard not to focus on the scale. I do it, we all do. We want to lose weight & society has taught us to be so fixated on that number. I wouldn't have gotten through the day without the encouraging texts from Doc, Sean, & my dad. If it wasn't for those, I more than likely would have had a mental breakdown at work.

Doc really helped me understand that I need to be more focused on this transition as a lifestyle change. If I embrace the lifestyle, train hard, and eat clean, the weight will take care of itself. That picture on the right is kind of the idea he's getting at. I'll admit that I'm not to that point yet, because lets face it, I really do need to lose weight & that's why I started this whole thing. When I stepped on the scale this morning and saw that number, I was pissed, upset, crushed, heartbroken, because there is nothing worse than feeling like hard work didn't pay off.

Here's something I've been avoiding mentioning but I think it's time to put it out in the open. (No shame). If you're overweight you know exactly what I'm talking about, if you're not this a whole another reason you should stay in shape forever! That is the dreaded "chub rub." If you don't get that, it's when your thighs rub together so much when working out that it gives you a horrendous rash. It hurts like Hell and makes you walk like you just got off a horse. It's been the absolute worse today!!!!

It was a rough start to my day to say the least... But I managed to make it to CrossFit, even though I didn't want to. I arrived at 4:45pm to do the WOD which was as follows:
21-15-9
Burpees
Dumbbell thrusters

It was pretty intense but I stayed after to do some rowing (5555m to be exact). Then Doc & I walked a little over a mile. I'd say I had a pretty successful day. That is one thing I encourage you to do, after a bad weigh in, don't take a day off!

Days like to day really make me realize a few things... What a great support system I have! I have the greatest trainers a girl could ask for & the most supportive dad in the world. Most of all though, I have the most loving God. God has always touched me through music so I find myself listening to Family Life Radio often. When I was seriously contemplating a milkshake from McDonalds, a song came on the radio...

If you don't feel like listening, here are the lyrics that really touched me:

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

I think this can apply to all of our lives at some point or another. The power of this song really turned my day around. 

God is my rock in this journey. 

#beastmode

Today was so intense that I'm almost too tired to write about it BUT it was so amazing that I can't help but stay up & fill yall in!

I started off the morning with swimming... Yall know how much I dread that but I surprisingly found it tolerable. I used a kick board the whole time (I'm quite certain I would have drowned if I hadn't) but I think I did pretty good. I'm not sure anyone understands how opposed I am to swimming. It was hard for me to get past my fear of the water but I decided to suck it up & just do it. Sean is an awesome swim coach though, even if he was pretty serious/scary. Much scarier than he is at CrossFit!  Despite that, I definitely hope I can keep going back because I know it'd be a great workout to fit into my routine.

 Every day I'm looking for new ideas for cardio, so if you guys have any I'd love to hear!

I was pretty dead after all that swimming, but as always, I sucked it up & went to CrossFit (after all, tomorrow is weigh in day!)

Rich coached the class I went to tonight. I've gotten to talk to him quite a bit but this is the first of his classes that I've actually attended. Can you say awesome coach?? Because that's what he is! He's spot on with explaining how to do things & gives you great motivation when you need it. I know he's definitely the guy to go to when I want to step it up & try to do pull-ups & handstands. (that may not be in my near future though.) lol. I've always admired him in workouts though because he's so dedicated to his own fitness which is a great motivator.

Tonights WOD was as follows:

1 mile run (I did rowing)
50 Wall balls
40 handstand pushups (I did regular)
30 pull-ups
20 box jumps
10 muscle-ups (I did ring rows)

What an insane workout!!! I was drenched with sweat, almost passed out on the floor, & I almost lost my lunch. (I'm pretty sure cottage cheese wouldn't be yummy the second time around).

Since I'm getting ready for weigh-ins, I decided to stay after & row. SO today I rowed a total of 10,625 meters. WOOHOO. My legs are dead, my arms are shot, & my hands are calloused like never before, but it was soooo worth it. (&& when I lose 4 pounds tomorrow, it'll be even more worth it).

So I ain't gonna lie, tonight I was a beast.

Next Level.

Today has been an amazing day. I toured Saginaw Valley State University & am excited about my future there whether it be this fall, winter, or next year. I took a break from work & got ready for CrossFit, the usual. Today was a little different though, I looked online to see the WOD last night & it was insane. I seriously texted Doc right when I read it...  "You gotta be f**cking kidding me." The WOD read as follows:

45:00 AMRAP
5 Deadlift
5 Squat Clean
5 Front Squat
5 Push Jerk
5 Back Squat

To say the least, I was more nervous than a potato chip on Super Bowl Sunday. (ok, that one was kind of lame) But I showed up, like I always do, to the 6PM class that Mary was coaching. Before I go any further, let me mention that she plays the best music, by far. Unfortunately I haven't shaken the mid-workout tears but her music definitely helped me through. When times get tough, I cry, whether I mean to or not. They just start streaming down my face. It's not that I'm in pain or I want to give up, sometimes I just feel like I'm not going to make it, like losing 150 pounds is just too much.



In my more recent CrossFit days, I feel like I've lost the fire that I had in the first month. Like possibly I'm not pushing myself to the limits that I did before. I have no doubt that I'm still working hard, but am I working hard enough? Am I taking it to that next level that my life needs? Unfortunately my knees have somewhat gave out on me lately, I'm having to modify, scale, and look for alternatives that will give me an equal amount of cardio. First of all, I've started to do more rowing. It's an absolutely great workout, but it's kind of boring. I'll definitely start bringing my Ipod.

Second.... SWIMMING.  Swimming is a great workout for overweight people. It's easy on your joints and it's a full body workout. I have always disliked swimming though. Ever since I had a bad fall off an tube in 5th grade where I seriously thought I was going to drown, I have had serious opposition to the water. But they keep telling me it's good for me. Yesterday, Doc surprised me with a swimming WOD. I did the doggy paddle, or in my case, more like the drowning cat paddle. But I managed, with no complaints. (Almost no complaints). I mean seriously, I'm probably not going to die in a 5 foot deep pool, but I feel like I'm in Finding Nemo repeatedly reminding myself, "Just Keep Swimming."

Tomorrow, I'm having a swimming lesson with Sean. The idea of this is pretty intimidating since he's a national champion swimmer, but I guess that just means I'm in good hands. As you can see, I'm not 100% thrilled about this swimming thing, but if that's the "next level" my workout needs, I'm all in.

A Fallen Star

If you haven't already guessed it, writing is my outlet. Today I'm pretty irritated and a lot of things have gotten me down. I didn't get to workout & that clearly is a disappointment considering I'm trying to work so hard. With that, I decided to write about something near & dear to my heart. This one hits close to home...

I'd like to say I live life with no regrets, but that would be a lie. I have made a million and one mistakes but they truly have shaped me into who I am today. Still, I often can't help but wonder where I'd be if I hadn't made some of them. More than likely, I'd be somewhere better.

Recently someone asked me what the biggest mistake of my life was. On paper, there are so many things you could pin point as big mistakes, but to me, the choice is clear. Quitting tennis was by far the biggest mistake of my life.

Growing up I was tall, thick, & naturally strong so my weight was always a bit of a concern but I stayed active so I knew I was fairly healthy. I've always had a passion for sports. (I mean, my first real word was "football" for goodness sake.) In 8th grade I decided to try out tennis. My middle school didn't have a team so they allowed us to play up on the high school team. I did okay my first year, but it definitely gave me the drive to want to be great. The summer after 8th grade I practiced hours on end a day with a coach that was ruthless, but great. He pushed me to be my best and there were certainly no excuses allowed.

Newspaper article captured
me with my "concentration
face", tongue out & all.

Nervous before the talk show!

Before I knew it summer was over & tryouts were upon us. As a freshman, I had moved from #7 JV to #2 Varsity. It is safe to say my hard work had paid off. My doubles partner & I were very successful & that season was most likely the proudest year of my life. I was dedicated to practicing & improving. After all, I had my entire high school tennis career in front of me. Our #1 ranked doubles team consisted of me, a freshman at the time & my partner who was an 8th grader. We quickly became known as a young dynamic duo. From a newspaper article entitled "Youngster's Dominating the Court" to interviews on a local talk show, we got attention all around the area, which only fed our drive to be better.

So you must be wondering why I quit... Believe me it's something I ask myself every. single. day.

I remember the night my parents told me we were moving... Again. I was sitting in their room, knowing what talk was before us. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I had finally built a life there. I had my first "boyfriend," real friends, & a church that I loved. Leaving my team made it even worse. In January we moved & I got to Midland the week of tennis tryouts, but Dow's team was intimidating to say the least. Courage & confidence have never been my strong suit. Not until lately at least. I didn't show up for tryouts, & not a day goes by that I don't think about it. With tennis not in my life, I lost purpose, I lost motivation to do well in school, I lost my life. If I hadn't quit tennis perhaps I would have avoided the slippery slope of self-destructive choices. Perhaps I'd be off at college & not hanging around Delta with no direction. Perhaps I would have never gained 150 pounds & be in the boat I am right now. I know I shouldn't think about it, but I do, all the time.

As you can probably imagine, this is something that's hard for me to talk about. I'd like to think everything fell into place the way it should, but I have to trust in God that this is true. Perhaps God is using this journey & this blog to inspire others. Perhaps at the end of this, I'll be a stronger person.

I approach CrossFit with the same dedication I approached tennis, at least I'm trying to. It's hard but I'm proud of that kid I used to be & if I can do this half as whole heartedly as she treated tennis, I think I'm good to go.

Here's to my summer of change... If I can make that kind of jump in the ranks, I reckon I can knock off a few pounds.

How To Workout From Home + MY DREAM WOD.

You know you've had a bad day when you're so pissed off that you are drinking your hangover remedy  soup & you're not even hung over. 

Todays workout was good, great actually. (Crazy enough, I actually enjoyed doing burpees). I thought I did pretty well & then afterwards I met this guy that's a beast at CrossFit, so that was pretty cool. After I got home though, my day took a turn for the worst.

I tried to take a nap, but it was continuously interrupted by 20+ text messages. I tried going shopping in Birch Run but couldn't find ANYTHING I wanted. Not to mention the weekend traffic was outrageous. 

So I settled on egg drop soup and a triple-feature of low key horse movies. Yeah, it's that kind of Saturday night. 

Well, to feed my CrossFit obsession I decided to think about what my dream workout would be.. It would definitely involve thrusters. But here's what I came up with. (All my favorite things or things I need to work on). 

3 rounds of
200m run
21 Thrusters
12 Wall balls
7 V-Ups (I guess that'd be toes to bar for you fit people ;)

Then I realized I wasn't even sure I knew what it took to design your own workout, & instead of sitting here thinking about it, I should actually be doing a workout. So I did some research, & here in lies, How to do workouts from home. 

The first thing I did is took a look around my house at what equipment I had that could work for exercises. Keep in mind, you can always do things that make use of your body weight. (Push-ups, plank, squats, sit-ups).

Next look around for items you have. I have a kettle-bell which I can use for a variety of different things. I know many people have a set of dumbbells lying around which can be used for walking lunges, push press, etc.

Don't be afraid to think outside of the box & use things that aren't necessarily gym equipment. I use the step in front of my fire place for box jumps. 

Next, make a list of all the exercises you could do. Here's my list:
Kettle-bell swings, plank, burpees, sit-ups, v-ups, box jumps, jumping pull-ups, OH walking lunges, running (yeah, right.), & the list goes on...
Don't forget being creative: you can always go outside.

Good training should be built around functional movements, that's what we do at CrossFit. So avoid things like crunches & calf raises, & stick to things that have high demand on your whole body. 

Then at random, put all the exercises you came up with in a hat & draw the amount of exercises you plan on doing. The exercises I got are:

Running
Jumping pull-ups
Burpees
Walking lunges (with full gallons of water in each hand)

In order to figure how many reps or rounds you're doing, I'd check out the benchmark workouts. Here's a couple examples:

“Fran”

Pick two high-power exercises and perform 21 reps of each, 15 reps of each, and 9 reps of each as fast as you possibly can.  Record total time.

Example: 21-15-9 dumbbell thrusters and chair dips

“Helen”

Do 2-3 exercises for 10-25 reps each and separate each round with a 400 meter run.  Record total time.

Example: 3 rounds for time of 21 jumping air squats, 12 handstand push ups, 400 meter run.

 “Karen”

Perform 150-200 reps of the same exercise as fast as you can.

Example: 150 burpees for Time

Tabata Intervals

Pick an exercise and do 4-8 straight rounds of 20 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest.  Do this for 4-5 exercises with no additional rest in between.  Record total reps.

So here is the workout I did tonight:

Run 200m

21 jumping pull-ups

21 burpees

21 walking lunges

Run 200m

15 of each of the above

Run 200m

9 of each of the above

You may say I'm overdoing it.. I reckon I have drank the "CrossFit Kool-Aid," but results are what I care about & as doc would say, "work is the only shortcut to results."

Sources: http://livingsuperhuman.tumblr.com/post/19897627166/how-to-design-your-own-crossfit-or-high-intensity

Coming Together

If you're reading this today, go out & celebrate America's birthday!

I, on the other hand, decided to stay in, mainly because my room is nowhere near clean, I have the heat rash from hell, & I figured I'd save my liver & diet from all the alcoholic calories associated with the 4th of July.

CrossFit was intense to say the least. I almost didn't go because when the website says, "It's a surprise, you'll love it," you know that's a straight up lie.

But I knew I'd regret not showing up & doc gave me a ride so I really had no excuse not to go. So I showed up, more nervous than a prize turkey in November.

Me post-workout,
surprised I'm still smiling!

I was so siked to wear my American flag head band though, courtesy of FitHappy. Also, my smart self, remembered to where long socks because I have the worst heel blisters of my life! Not pleasant...

So we got there & everyone was complaining, I would be too after finding out the WOD consisted of running a 10K (6.2 miles). Sean had told me that's what it was but I seriously thought it was a joke. Knowing I wouldn't have to run it (because I'm having knee troubles...), I was worried about what my alternate workout would be.

Since everyone was bitching about running, Sean jokingly gave us an alternate workout which, in honor of America's birthday, was:

237 burpees
237 pull-ups
237 air squats

Uhmmm, are you crazy? To my surprise, over half the group chose to stay in & do the 237 workout.

My hands thank me for
stopping when I did.

Instead of running, I rowed & rowed & rowed... 9037 meters which is 5.6 miles. I'm sort of mad that I only did that many because they told me that 1500meters was in a mile but it's really 1600, so I fell short of a 10K which was my goal.

I had done very little rowing before today and it was definitely a challenge but I really enjoyed it because for the first time I had absolutely no reason to quit. I felt fit like a normal person because I had no physical limitations. If anything was making me want to stop, it was mental. There was no way in hell I was giving up until I got to that 9000m mark.

Kind of dark, I did my best to lighten it up but this is the amazing group of people I work out with! (some of them)

 You have no idea the support & encouragement I get from the people in the picture above. Being cheered on by Amy the whole time & Tony pushing me at the end made more of a difference than they'll ever know! Once I got to 8000m my legs were shot & that last stretch was ridiculously hard! My favorite part of the workout today though, was not in my own accomplishments. It was watching the people that did the 237 workout come together and encourage each other. When someone looked like they were struggling, there was always someone there cheering them on and pushing them to make it through. This is nothing new though, that's how it is at every workout at CrossFit Glory, but watching it happen while I was rowing, really gave me the chance to appreciate it. I could not ask for a better group of people to help me along on this journey. For those of you who missed the update, 5 pounds lost this week which gets me to a grand total of 16! I couldn't have done it without you guys.

You can always keep up with my weight-loss by clicking the Progress tab at the top of my page.

Happy 4th of July y'all! Maybe I will go celebrate after all, see ya under the fireworks :)