A Fallen Star

If you haven't already guessed it, writing is my outlet. Today I'm pretty irritated and a lot of things have gotten me down. I didn't get to workout & that clearly is a disappointment considering I'm trying to work so hard. With that, I decided to write about something near & dear to my heart. This one hits close to home...

I'd like to say I live life with no regrets, but that would be a lie. I have made a million and one mistakes but they truly have shaped me into who I am today. Still, I often can't help but wonder where I'd be if I hadn't made some of them. More than likely, I'd be somewhere better.

Recently someone asked me what the biggest mistake of my life was. On paper, there are so many things you could pin point as big mistakes, but to me, the choice is clear. Quitting tennis was by far the biggest mistake of my life.

Growing up I was tall, thick, & naturally strong so my weight was always a bit of a concern but I stayed active so I knew I was fairly healthy. I've always had a passion for sports. (I mean, my first real word was "football" for goodness sake.) In 8th grade I decided to try out tennis. My middle school didn't have a team so they allowed us to play up on the high school team. I did okay my first year, but it definitely gave me the drive to want to be great. The summer after 8th grade I practiced hours on end a day with a coach that was ruthless, but great. He pushed me to be my best and there were certainly no excuses allowed.

Newspaper article captured
me with my "concentration
face", tongue out & all.

Nervous before the talk show!

Before I knew it summer was over & tryouts were upon us. As a freshman, I had moved from #7 JV to #2 Varsity. It is safe to say my hard work had paid off. My doubles partner & I were very successful & that season was most likely the proudest year of my life. I was dedicated to practicing & improving. After all, I had my entire high school tennis career in front of me. Our #1 ranked doubles team consisted of me, a freshman at the time & my partner who was an 8th grader. We quickly became known as a young dynamic duo. From a newspaper article entitled "Youngster's Dominating the Court" to interviews on a local talk show, we got attention all around the area, which only fed our drive to be better.

So you must be wondering why I quit... Believe me it's something I ask myself every. single. day.

I remember the night my parents told me we were moving... Again. I was sitting in their room, knowing what talk was before us. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I had finally built a life there. I had my first "boyfriend," real friends, & a church that I loved. Leaving my team made it even worse. In January we moved & I got to Midland the week of tennis tryouts, but Dow's team was intimidating to say the least. Courage & confidence have never been my strong suit. Not until lately at least. I didn't show up for tryouts, & not a day goes by that I don't think about it. With tennis not in my life, I lost purpose, I lost motivation to do well in school, I lost my life. If I hadn't quit tennis perhaps I would have avoided the slippery slope of self-destructive choices. Perhaps I'd be off at college & not hanging around Delta with no direction. Perhaps I would have never gained 150 pounds & be in the boat I am right now. I know I shouldn't think about it, but I do, all the time.

As you can probably imagine, this is something that's hard for me to talk about. I'd like to think everything fell into place the way it should, but I have to trust in God that this is true. Perhaps God is using this journey & this blog to inspire others. Perhaps at the end of this, I'll be a stronger person.

I approach CrossFit with the same dedication I approached tennis, at least I'm trying to. It's hard but I'm proud of that kid I used to be & if I can do this half as whole heartedly as she treated tennis, I think I'm good to go.

Here's to my summer of change... If I can make that kind of jump in the ranks, I reckon I can knock off a few pounds.