Life as a Fast Food Addict: Part 2.

A couple of weeks ago I poured my heart out on a subject that has never been easy for me. At the same time, it's a subject that has affected my life day in and day out for the last six years. 

Food Addiction.

I was overwhelmed by the response to my last post and was flooded with questions about L.I.F.E. and how I'm dealing with those addictions here...

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it every single day.
When I see a pizza delivery man, I want to order pizza.
When I see my coach drinking Starbucks, I want coffee.
When I see an Arby's commercial, I want roast beef.

It's impulsive and it's irrational. But I can't help it.

Some days these wants and emotions bring me to tears.
Some days I can just go for a run and it clears my head.
Some days I give in.

This week, week 13, has been the hardest of all.
I've slipped up... more than once.
On Tuesday night, I gave in to the temptation that I'd been fighting since the day I got here.

I hit a wall and talked myself into "deserving it."
That's the hardest part about something so addicting.
You rationalize it in your head.
You convince yourself that it's okay.
And on Tuesday night, a burrito, gave me that fix.
I got the high that food gives me.
And I didn't regret it.

I remember it tasting so good.
I remember wanting to eat it so slow that it lasted forever.

Then it hit me...
Why am I using food to find happiness?
When it was gone, what did it leave me with?
Where have those habits gotten me?

That burrito cost me more than $1.59.
It cost me the goal I had to not eat fast food the whole year.
It cost me the clean slate I had of doing so well here.
It cost me 510 calories, which is almost an entire hour of workouts at LIFE.

That night I laid in bed feeling regret for giving in.
I was hung up on it.
I had an upset stomach.
But then these words went through my head.

"You ate it. Own it. Move on."

I could sit around being sad about my poor choices.
I could let it bring me down.
I could go back for more.

Instead, I've reflected on it.
I know how it made me feel after the initial high was gone.
I know that I don't NEED that anymore.

Then, I moved on.
I showed up the next day and worked even harder.

Fast food got me to where I was before, 355lbs.
Fitness and healthy eating has gotten me to where I am now, 61lbs lighter.