The Power of Can't

Today was the first day I skipped CrossFit when there was a class that I could have attended. I had the worst migraine at work & the fact that the WOD involved pull-ups, overhead squats, & kettle-bell swings, didn't help the appeal of going. Those may seriously be my 3 least favorite things in all of CrossFit. I knew the combination of them all would easily turn into me being frustrated, upset, and disappointed. Anyone who has interacted closely with me or even if you've kept up with these blogs, could agree that I can be really hard on myself.

Something Sean said to me last week has really been engrained in my mind. He asked me to start asking what I can do in place of an activity, rather than just saying I can't do it. Recently I've been in a "can't slump." I call it that because my first month and a half of CrossFit I had so much drive and excitement. Don't get me wrong, I'm still high on CrossFit but perhaps now I'm a little too high. There are so many things I want to be able to do but I can't do them. All of the things are so cool and it's not like I'll be able to do them anytime soon. Forgive me for venting, but this is something I have yet to overcome. For instance, handstands. Even if I build tons of muscle, it will take me losing a lot of weight before I'm even close to doing one. It frustrates me that I have to scale EVERYTHING because there is nothing I want more than to be able to do it all.

Initially it was frustrating to hear Sean tell me to stop saying "can't," because honestly.... I can't do a handstand push up. Haha. But I think the point he's trying to make is rather than focusing on what I can't do, focus on what I can.

I have to become satisfied with what I CAN do today. It may not be what I'm satisfied with a year from now, but for now it's what I can do. Ultimately, my strength will not come from doing what I can, but conquering what I cannot. 

As upsetting as it is to know all the things I can't do, I look back on all the things I couldn't do 60 days ago. 

- At my first training session with Doc, I could barely do 7 sit-ups. Last week, I did 75 like it was nothing.

- On my first day of CrossFit, I thought jumping pull ups were hard. Now, I'm doing assisted pull-ups.

- Two months ago, I could barely run 20 seconds. Now, I can almost run a mile without stopping. 

- 3 weeks ago, I could barely swim. Now, I can... kind of swim.

I may not be able to do everything now, but believe me, doing all of the things I can do well, will get me where I'm going. One day I'll be able to do so much more. I CAN DO THIS.

Community & Stuff

Yesterday I went to a viewing party for the CrossFit games. Watching the best of the best on TV was consuming to the point I had no idea what was actually going on at the party. I loved it, the huge crowd cheering them on, people pushing their limits and exceeding every expectation I had for the CrossFit games; it was just amazing.

I haven't written in a week or so, but I've been doing lots of thinking about this whole CrossFit thing...

I write about it.

I think about it.

I dream about it.

I google it.

I watch videos about it.

CrossFit has seriously consumed my life and I can't imagine my days without it. But why's it so important to me? What's the big freaking deal? 

Probably for me, it's because I've completely immersed myself into it. I wholeheartedly believe that it works. I guess you can say I've drank the CrossFit koolaid. 

CrossFit is an experience and it's impossible to explain. You have to find out for yourself. If you want the best results, you have to buy into it. 

CrossFit is seriously a community and I feel like I've been invited in with open arms. The people there don't just work out together, they are friends, a family. 

What's it take being part of the CrossFit community? 

It takes the willingness to show up & do work. It takes the mental strength to do WODs no matter how crazy they are. 

You have to encourage others. People's encouragement did so much for me. There are so many times that I felt like I was done, that I didn't have anymore gas to keep going during a WOD. But then somebody cheered me on and it gave me that extra fuel. You can be that fuel for someone else.

Whether you're just lifting the barbell or you are lifting RX. Everyone is equally important, equally cheered on, & it's just as an accomplishment.

You have to be willing to learn. We have coaches for a reason. They know the form. They are certified. They are experienced. Just pay attention.

You have to be a role model. From day one I've looked to more experienced CrossFitters. I've analyzed their form. I've tried to keep up with them. I've tried to beat their PR's. When new members come in I'm fully aware that they look to us. So be your best.

It takes more than coming & going. It takes commitment. 

I may not be the best at CrossFit. I may not be able to compete in competitions. But I absolutely love it, and anyone else who is committed will tell you the same. It has changed my life. I'm going to get fit. To change my future. To compete against myself everyday. To feel strong. To push myself and strive for improvement. To celebrate those accomplishments with my community. 

So since it's been a week, I thought I'd update you on some things....

The amount of weight I lost: 3 pounds

The amount of weight I've lost total: 16 pounds

The amount of meters I've rowed: 8,700 meters

The total weight I carried doing the stupid farmer walk: 80 pounds

The amount of assisted pull-ups I did: 17

How I feel about said pull-ups...

The amount of beer we showed up with at the CrossFit party: 63 bottles

The number of secrets I found out about people I didn't really need to know after said beers: 8

It's been quite a week. Overall good. Super busy. The Games were awesome to watch. Have a great, great, great week (:

A Great Day to Get Started :)

Here's something I've heard a million & one times.... "I'm too out of shape for CrossFit." I have lots of friends trying to get in shape that say CrossFit sounds awesome but they're too scared to start. Believe me, I understand! I remember the day I went in & met Sean for the first time. I was scared shitless. Even calling to find out about CrossFit stressed me out, if I remember correctly I called & hung up 3 times. Haha... but as you can see, it turned out great for me.

I'm going to be straight with you: You will never be ready for CrossFit.

CrossFit is going to knock you on your ass every single day, no matter how long you've been going. Sure, it gets easier, but it will ALWAYS push you to your limits.

The beauty of CrossFit is that if you're coming from a completely sedentary lifestyle or if you just can't do much, the exercises can be scaled down for you. (& it's not embarrassing). If you are awesome at everything, you can increase the reps and weight. Seriously... Anyone can do it. (Even you, dad)

There are so many great things about CrossFit.

The people... they are amazing. The community is probably my favorite part about CrossFit. Whether you finish first or last, you're cheered on & continuously supported. You feel equally as important as the fittest person at the gym.

The coaches... are KICK ASS. I love my trainers. They are all so different but I have learned to benefit from different things from each of them. But they are all equally great. These coaches have made me want to be the best version of myself.

The WODS... Always challenge you to work hard. They get you a little out of your comfort zone. But that is the only way you will get better.

So you there, yes you... I challenge you to get off the couch & start living healthy. Do the things you believe you can't.


My day was pretty fabulous. With the exception of this one girl that drove me completely insane. I've learned that one of my biggest pet peeves is people talking over the coach during a work out. I'm sure I have before... but really, shut up & work.

Other news from my day...

It started off pretty stressful considering for the first time my two jobs conflicted BUT I worked it out so I can still do both! So I couldn't be any happier about that (: I can keep making money & keep buying cute shoes & headbands! Woohoo!

Another thing that made today great, was napping. This girl can nap all day long. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. But today I did... & it was awesome (:

I woke up & decided to go to yoga with my mom. It was amazing. I feel all stretched out and extremely relaxed. It really got me warmed up before CrossFit! We did a tabata workout today which is my favorite. It's 20 seconds on an exercise, 10 seconds off, for 8 rounds. So we did that for squats, push ups, & sit ups.

Also, I did a pull-up! (With a band) But it was a step up from the jumping pull ups. It was scary. I was as nervous as a pig in the bacon factory. I really thought that band was going to break, but it didn't!

Venting the Pain

At 10PM, after running a mile & working my ass off at CrossFit, my entire leg feels like dead weight, the pain killers aren't helping, my head is cluttered with frustration, & I'm so tired that I'm awake. I just want to cry. Forgive me for venting but what's the point of this thing if I can't be real from time to time. I feel like this is the worst thing ever. Like all my hard work and building up that tiny bit of strength & endurance is just going down the drain. How am I supposed to do lifts, wallballs, slam balls, burpees, or ANYTHING else we do there if I can't even do a full squat??? I've been doing a full squat anyway... Pretending it doesn't hurt, trying to do them fast so the pain doesn't last as long but I come home every. single. night. and lay in pain. Icing my knee down three times a day. How long can I keep this up? Every time I go to CrossFit I wonder how many days I have left before I collapse and have a serious knee injury. 

It's venting like this though that make me thankful for all the things I do have. It puts me in perspective. I need to work through this injury by doing the rights things. I need to do it with the same belief and drive that I have the rest of this journey. 

Today is not the day that my journey will come to an end.

Today was rough, but I thought I did well. & I was able to put my pride aside & do less on my back squat to save my knee. 

For the WOD we did a 400m run & then 3 rounds of 30 wall balls & 5 power cleans. I finished & didn't think it was that bad.... which makes me know I should have worked harder!

As always I appreciate the support. I haven't told yall that in awhile and I know I haven't been messaging back & keeping up with yalls progress as much as I'd like to, but I hope you are all still working hard & are inspired to be the best version of you (: Much love.

Inspiration

Heart Strings.

Today has been emotional to say the least. I'm not sure if it's just one of those days, if it's from having major lack of sleep, or if God has really moved me to go out of my way & notice the unnoticeable. I got to work, almost late, and was on the go from the minute I got in the door. I waited on all sorts of people today.

The first woman that came in the store was old, very old. She could hardly hear & just wanted some ham slices. She reminded me of my grandmother who seriously does love ham, like a lot. She was with her son (who was also old). She was the sweetest thing, but he was just a jerk to her. He stood outside smoking a cigarette, and she slowly made her way with her walker to offer him a sandwich, he yelled at her. When I brought out the slices, he had come in to see what was taking so long, she offered to buy him some cookies, & he yelled at her again. I just wanted to come out from behind the counter & slap the man.

I'm a people watcher and usually I excuse people's bad behavior with, "I don't know what they're going through", but today I witnessed so many events that made me think, "no matter what you're going through, you should always remember to be nice to people." 

Another crazy thing happened, I went to Meijer because we were out of celery at work, and there was an older man that had two mentally handicap daughters, they all smelled of smoke, and were dressed in pajamas. Everyone was looking at them like they were crazy, but it almost brought tears to my eyes. What that man must experience in his every day life, how hard some days must be. 

This whole journey has me asking myself daily, will I ever get to my goal weight? Will I ever go to the doctor & not expect bad news? I make my problems seem so large, I feel like my life couldn't get any worse because I let my weight dictate how I do everything. But the reality of it is, I'm lucky. Losing weight is hard, it's brutal. But at least I can afford to go to CrossFit. At least I have awesome people who are helping me. At least I have parents to support me.

That's not all I learned today though, sometimes you learn the strangest lessons from the most unexpected people. Tonight I had the pleasure of baby-sitting three girls, all with very strong personalities. The youngest (age 3) had such a hard time going to sleep. She cried & cried, made up songs about missing her mom to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star which were so depressing, yet so adorable. Then when we were talking before bedtime, she gave me a run down about her whole family. Somewhere in that train of thought she said "Sometimes I just want my dad to leave!" (mainly because she was jealous of all the time he spends with her mom) but then went on to say every single thing she loved about him. 

 

Well, I feel your pain kid. Me & my dad butt heads a lot because we're so much alike but the reality of it all is, I'd be nowhere without him. We say things we don't mean to each other, but I always know it'll be water under the bridge by night time. 

So thanks pops, you're seriously my best friend, biggest fan (except maybe mom), & I love you with all my heart.

A Week to be PRoud of.

Hey hey hey!

So I know the writing has gotten less & less but that does definitely not mean I'm not every bit as committed to this journey! This week has been fabulous within the CrossFit life & it's definitely been decent on the nutrition side as well. Not to mention I set a PR every. single. night. A PR is a personal record for anyone that doesn't know. That reminds me, my good friend Marilyn asked me to make a CrossFit acronym dictionary. So look for that in the tabs in the next few days.

Anyhow, I set a PR every day this week. So here's what I'm at right now for 1 rep max's.

Back Squat - 220
Front Squat - 210
Deadlift - 250
Overhead Squat - 80

So I'm pretty pleased with how that all went! Even though my front squat form could definitely use some work.

I must say, the last two weeks of workouts have been SO intense. The WOD's have been all kinds of crazy. On Tuesday we did 7 rounds of 7 different things but I had to stop after puking and my heart rate going up way high. Part of the reason is it's hot as hell out right now.

The reason setting PR's is such a great feeling is, I'm really competitive and there are definitely people I admire at CrossFit that are amazing competitors. Amy is one example, that I'm always looking up to and striving to keep up with her (& believe me, it's not easy). && lifting more than some guys, that's definitely kinda cool too.

Tonight I went swimming again & it was really nice to do some exercise that doesn't hurt my knee. I'm still looking to learn how to swim better so I can get even more out of it, so if yall know anyone that gives lessons, fill me in!

That's all I have to say tonight, but tune in this weekend because I have something special in store (;

P.S. All that rowing paid off, I did 500m in 1:54 today!