The Day I Quit

I woke up this morning, nervous as usual, for my Monday morning weigh in. I was DETERMINED that this week was a big week. Last week, I arguably worked harder than I ever had before. I wanted to lose eight pounds so I could hit the big 50 lost! I did the extra classes, used the stair master more than normal, and shot for 5000 calories burned, every single day. 

In fact, I was so confident in my hard work that I weighed in on Thursday just to see if I was on track. I had lost FIVE pounds in only three days. I was ecstatic, it seemed like I could actually make it to my lofty goal of eight. 

If you saw my Facebook post earlier, you know I only lost three pounds at my official weigh in. Imagine my surprise, especially after seeing a lower number only days before. 

Saying I was devastated is an understatement. I don't want to be long winded, but I was defeated. 

I feel like I give this program my 100%. Sometimes that means missing a class and taking a break. Sometimes that means taking a yoga class over cardio. I can honestly say that I am giving what I am able to give and try my hardest to go above and beyond.

The hard part is when I don't get results that meet my expectations or desires. Today, I was down. It was worse than my usual "just being emotional." I wanted this to be over. I didn't want to work hard anymore. I wanted to go home.

Then, during our break, one of my coaches said, "You know what would help you get to your goals? To quit slacking off and work hard on your lunch break." That broke me. 

Ok, I'll be the first to say this comment wasn't one of ill intent. But it hurt. Like I said, I feel like I am giving this thing my all.

So I quit. 

I walked out of Live In Fitness, tears in my eyes, convinced it would be the last time. 

I have been down. I have been frustrated. But I have never given up on this program. 

I ran to the beach. I called my mom. I cried a little more. And then I prayed. I prayed for strength. I prayed for guidance. And I went back inside.

I have come to far to quit. 45 pounds may not be 50 pounds, but is nothing to scoff at in only 9 weeks.

I show up every day and though I may not always work as hard as I "should," I have invested my life in this thing. I believe in my program and it is bettering me and my future. So yeah, I'm not completely happy with my weigh in, but you know what? I got a three, and i'll take it.

"If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I was when I started. When I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."